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The United Nations has classified all New York Weddings
as cruel and unusual punishment – for the groom.
Why would any woman gleefully embark on her wedding plans causing stress, grief and heartburn for everyone around her – all for a one-day event?
Most everywhere, weddings are a slam-dunk with a ceremony at the justice of the peace and perhaps a small reception with a punchbowl and cake. They wrap the whole thing up in an hour. However, as if by law, New York City requires you to make it an extravaganza.
Danny Freedman’s bride-to-be, Cindy Edwards, dreamed of this day since she first wore a tiara in her crib. Danny swore she had a copy of Brides magazine clutched in her tiny little fist the day she popped out of her momma and screamed her first words, ‘A-line Princess wedding gown – size five please’ the to delight of the delivery nurses who gave their nodding approval, ‘Oh nice choice. It’ll show off your cute figure.’ By ninth grade, she had the entire wedding day planned except for a minor detail, the groom, whom shall be named at a later date.
Guys have to do two things, rent a tux and show up on time sober, or as close to sober as possible after the chain of events leading up to this day of days.
The bride has read every book about weddings and have seen all the movies scripted from her point of view. It’s her day to be the fairy princess with a gaggle of bridesmaids preening and fawning all over her. She’s a lady-in-waiting who requires her knight in shining armor to whisk her away to an enchanted life.
Pity the poor groom who must endure this ordeal. He can't wait for it to be over so he can return to his natural state nestled in a recliner, chowing down a bowl of chili, cracking open a beer and watching the game as his wife and her girlfriends pour over the wedding photos reliving the pageantry.